Evil Saleswoman

I went shopping this weekend, just bought a couple of items at New York and Company. Some cute stuff for work and such. Look at these lovelies:

Love this top. It has boobie support!! Yeah...mommy boobies need those.

And this cardigan. It's a Carson pick. You know the dude from Queer Eye. LOL! look at the chicks pose...she looks like she is about to spear a bull...OLE!

Anyways, so I'm at the store with hubby and Sofia, and I have a couple of items that I want to try on. The sales person goes to open the door for me and takes my items and hangs them. She turns around take a look at me says " You know. I think I can find you a couple of better suited shirts for your pregnancy. Want me to get you a couple in your size to try on?"

Secretly, I wanted to simultaneously throttle the woman and then curl myself into a corner and cry, but I opted to play it cool and said "Thanks, but I just gave birth 3 months ago. You know it can take a while to lose all the weight."

Did I sound dignified?? You know...like as if it was Princess Diana telling some schlub to fuck off in a royal way?? I was going for that. Although, I really wanted go all Flavor of Love on her and yank some hair or something.

I must admit, I did take some pleasure in watching her squirm and hurry away. She deserves it. That bitch!!

In the end, I think I look pretty damn cute in my tops. Even Jose said so. He also said that the buttons looked like they were straining a bit (they weren't!), but you know Jose. Can't leave well enough alone.

Sofia said I looked like a princess, so I guess channeling the beautiful late Princess Diana worked!!

Sofia is a bit jealous of Logan. Ok, that's putting it mildly. She is soooo not taking this baby brother thing very well. She has always been a needy child, but lately, she has become insufferable. I love this little girl more than life, but I am so drained by how hard it has become to divide my attention between the two kids.

She literally picks the exact moment I'm about to feed the baby to decide she wants something to drink or eat. She has also decided that she cannot do anything by herself: she can't pee by herself, can't play by herself, can't watch TV by herself. If I tell her that I can't do it, she throws a ginormous fit. It's exhausting.

It is also very evident that she absolutely HATES her little brother. She told me so herself. Well, I take it by telling me that I should throw him in the garbage, that that was what she meant.

So, I went around asking my friends who have two or more kids, if their children exhibited similar behavior and the general consensus was NO. Apparently, every ones else's kids loved each other from moment one.

This is when I came to the realization that parents lie. Yes...they lie!!

I know I am not in the minority here. I just don't see why other parents can't come clean with it. I am asking you an honest question, you should give me an honest answer. Don't tell me your kids love each other, when the last time I saw them together they were throwing rocks at each other at the park.

Anyways, I'm making it my life's mission to be 100% honest about my children and all their imperfections. Maybe I'll write a book someday. It will be titled "Don't Have Kids if You Want to Remain Sane" .

Family Picture Share Time!

Yeah..for like the 100th time this month. Anyways, went to Portrait Innovations this weekend and got some shots of the kiddo's and me. I think they cam out super cute. What do you think?

Look at Logan. He's like, "WTH woman. You're in my face! I'm gonna punch you in the chin. Look my fist is closed and ready."

Look at my gordo! Isn't he scrumptious. He looks like a meringue.

I love candid shots! She was trying to back away from the photographer. I don't blame her. They are so intent on getting you to smile, it looks like they pop some speed before each session.

Sofia practicing the Heimlich Maneuver on Logan. Logan looking like he's reading to throw up his formula.


OMG!! My boobies are all over the place! I'm such a slutty mommy! Seriously, why couldn't the photographer tell me to get the girls in check?

Back to work!!

I return to work in less than a week. Well, let's take that statement with a grain of salt since I'm hoping that I still have a position in the company I work for when I return. I've been told there have been a lot of changes since I left and some that seriously affected my department.

Oh well!

You know, I've never been fired or layed off. The prospect is quite scary. I always thought that something like that would never happen to me, but I have said the same things in the past before and the unfortunate does happen.

You know what they scariest thing about being laid off? Moving back with my in-laws (Insert horrifying shriek). Ok, they are really nice people, but let's face it, no one wants to live with their parents...well, except for my friend Lety (Girl...you know have it good there! Can I move in with you?). I lived with my in-laws for three years and it was some of the most "ahem" interesting years of my life.

Take for example, the day my father in law decided that Raid was just as good and cheaper bug repellent that Off! Yeah, the scars from the chemical burns are probably still there.

Or that warm, humid day I walked into the house and saw huge termites sitting on the door frames. When I asked my FIL if those indeed were termites, he nodded and took out the Raid can. I quickly left the room. He can't be trusted holding a can of roach killer.

There was also the pleasant morning when my husbands car was stolen from the driveway. And of course, how can I quickly forget the bi-weekly helicopter patrols flashing their beams into our backyard. Gotta love those North Miami gangs!

Yes, those are definitely memorable, but they make me hope and pray that I don't lose my job because that would mean that the chances of moving back increase exponentially. I mean we could live here on my husbands salary and whatever I can collect from unemployment, but my husband is always wanting to move back into his parents house. No, he is not a mommas boy, but he likes the financial freedom not having to pay rent gives him. I love just the plain freedom. Clearly we are at a crossroads here.

You see, my husband loves to buy things. Lot's of things. Anything really. He picks up hobbies, like John Mayer picks up waitresses. Rent and utilities prevent him from buying those things. My love for the material things are far more outweighed by my love for not living with his parents (or mine for that matter). This has been a true test of our marriage since at the slightest mention of a possible lay off sends my husband packing his collectibles for his parents house. I prefer to try and find alternate solutions.

So, I head back to work worried and unsure. Not exactly the way I imagined it, but maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion. Who knows. Next week may not bring any more woes!